Before you trust anyone with a parent’s daily care, ask the questions you would ask about a person who will spend hours alone in the house with someone who cannot always speak up for themselves. The ones that matter most cover identity and references, real experience with your parent’s specific condition, whether the person can safely move a heavier body, the language you actually share at home, who covers when they fall sick, and how a problem gets raised when you are not in the room.
When you send an enquiry through this site, you reach a caregiver directly on WhatsApp. Nobody here has vetted that person for you, checked their story, or watched them lift a patient. That verification is yours to do, and it is not hard once you know what to ask. The enquiry path simply opens the conversation; everything below is the conversation I tell families to have before anyone starts.
Confirm who they actually are
Start with identity, because everything else rests on it. Ask for the person’s full name and IC, check the name matches, and ask permission to photograph the IC for your records. A caregiver who is who they say they are will not flinch at this. For a foreign worker, ask to see valid documents and permits, and be honest with yourself if the paperwork does not add up.
Then get references, and use them:
- Ask to speak to at least one family they cared for in the last year, not a written note they hand you. A real reference will pick up the phone.
- Ask that family plain questions: was the person reliable, did they turn up on time, did anything go missing, why did the arrangement end.
- Ask the caregiver directly why their last placement finished. Listen for a straight answer versus a story that keeps shifting.
The caregiver screening page lists the documents and background checks you can run yourself, and it is worth reading before the first call so you know what “verified” actually means when the checking is on your side of the table.
Ask about experience with your parent’s specific need
“I have looked after old people” is not the same as looking after your mother. A caregiver who is excellent with a mobile, chatty grandmother may have never handled a bedbound stroke patient, a parent with dementia who wanders at 2am, a fresh hip replacement, or a feeding tube.
Ask for concrete stories, not reassurance. My favourite question is simple: “Tell me about the last person you cared for who could not stand up on their own. What did an ordinary day look like?” Someone with real experience answers in specifics, the turning schedule, the pad changes, how they kept the skin from breaking down. Someone without it gives you warm words and no detail.
Match the questions to your parent’s actual situation:
- For a stroke or frailty, ask how they prevent pressure sores and manage a person who can move only one side.
- For dementia, ask how they handle refusal, repetition, and sundowning without arguing.
- For someone recently discharged, ask whether they can follow a written care plan and spot early signs the person is going downhill.
Watch how they move, not just how they talk
This is the part families skip and the part I care about most as a physiotherapist. If your parent needs help getting from bed to a wheelchair, to the toilet, or into the car, the way a caregiver does that transfer decides whether your parent stays safe or ends up with a torn shoulder, and whether the caregiver wrecks their own back within a month.
Do not take it on trust. Ask the person to show you a transfer, or at least walk through one out loud before the first full shift. What you want to see:
- Weight kept close to the body, a wide stable stance, and a count so the parent knows when the move happens.
- No pulling on a single arm and no lifting under the armpits, both of which injure fragile shoulders fast.
- Comfort with a transfer belt or slide sheet, and honesty about a hoist. If you have one at home, ask whether they have used that type before.
If you can, have this conversation with the discharge physiotherapist or nurse present, or arrange a session so a professional can watch the first transfer. Good technique is trainable, but you need to know what you are starting with.
Make sure you share enough language
Malaysian homes are rarely single-language. Your father may slip into Hokkien when he is in pain, your mother may only settle when spoken to in Tamil, and an older parent under stress often loses whatever second language they once had. The caregiver needs enough shared language to understand distress, refusal, and “something is wrong”, and to call you clearly when it matters.
Test this in the language your parent actually uses, not in the language of the interview. Have them sit together for ten minutes and watch whether your parent relaxes or shuts down. A caregiver your parent cannot talk to will miss the early signs that a chest infection or a fall is coming.
Ask who covers when they cannot come
Every caregiver gets sick, has a family emergency, or goes back to their hometown. A live-in who never leaves is not a plan, it is a gap waiting to open. Ask directly: what happens on the day you cannot come? Is there someone you trust who can step in? How much notice will I get?
Festive seasons are the pressure point. Around Hari Raya, Chinese New Year and Deepavali, many caregivers travel home, and that is exactly when hospitals are stretched and families are busy. Agree now, in writing, what cover looks like for those weeks, so you are not scrambling for a stranger on the eve of a holiday.
Be clear about the boundaries of the role
Set the edges of the job before day one, so nobody is asked to do something unsafe or unlicensed. A non-clinical caregiver handles the daily living: bathing, dressing, feeding, mobility and transfers, companionship, and watching closely for changes. That daily presence is genuinely valuable and it is where a good caregiver earns their keep.
Clinical tasks sit elsewhere. Injections, wound dressing, adjusting medication doses, managing a catheter, and any judgement call about treatment belong to a nurse or doctor. My guide on the difference between a caregiver and a nurse walks through where that line falls, and it is worth reading together with the caregiver so you both agree what is in scope. When a task genuinely needs a nurse, say so plainly rather than quietly hoping the caregiver will manage.
Agree how concerns get raised, before there is one
The last question is the one that protects your parent when you are not looking: how will you tell me if something is wrong? Settle this on day one, not after a crisis.
- Agree a daily check-in, a short message or call, so small changes surface early: a new bruise, a skipped meal, a fall that “was nothing”, a change in breathing or mood.
- Ask how the person reacts to being corrected. Someone defensive on the first day will hide the second week’s problems. You want a caregiver who tells you the awkward thing without being asked.
- Confirm they know the basics of an emergency: that 999 reaches the ambulance, where the nearest hospital is, and where you keep the medication list and IC.
Trust with a parent’s care is built by verifying, not by hoping. Ask these questions out loud, watch how the person handles them, and pay attention to your own gut when an answer feels rehearsed. If you want to understand what that daily support covers before you start comparing people, my elderly care overview sets out what a caregiver does across an ordinary week, so the questions above have something concrete to stand on.